Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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