Sry I called you an 8
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My cat gives me a boner
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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