another moral hangover. fuck.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
