I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
