first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
pray to the hookup gods
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
