So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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