I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
