New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I need to stop coming to work sober
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
