Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
