Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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