I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
