Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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