Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
