He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
