I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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