i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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