She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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