dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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