I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize