He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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