I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize