who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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