I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
