Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
