is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
