____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
