I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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