Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
