My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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