Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
