Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
