do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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