Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
