btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
