so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
