Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
