plz talk dirty to me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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