Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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