I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
