it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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