3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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