I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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