We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
