I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
