I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
