i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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