why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
