Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
