I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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