i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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