VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
