I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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