So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
