Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
