sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
