I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize