you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
