he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
