ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
