then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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