God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A+ Viking dick
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
