im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
