Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
