ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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