So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
my liver is dry heaving
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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