my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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