Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
