as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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