i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
