He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize