I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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