My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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