good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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