you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize