youre lurking in front of me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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