What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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