The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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